It was May of 2013, Penny and Erich Podjaske were in their last class for their foster license when the teacher asked them to stay after and talk. Life changed quickly and began a beautiful and bittersweet journey to the expansion of their family, their hearts, and their ability to share an authentic glimpse into the world of foster-parenting children in need of a stable home environment.
Penny always knew that she wanted two biological children and two adopted children, and when she married Erich who was an only child that had been adopted himself, it was always a given that one day fostering and adopting would be part of their lives.
Podjaske is honest and enthusiastic about the challenges and opportunities to make a difference in children’s lives through fostering. As their fostering class wrapped up, the couple was presented with an opportunity to care for two little girls that were in the system from an extreme neglect case. Penny recalls that initial time of bringing the girls home and saying yes to those circumstances and how she prioritized researching attachment and how to connect with the children during the important window of brain development up to age three as a very intense period of dedication.
Podjaske has written a blog about some of the choices she made to create space for attachment with the girls after trauma and it has given her experience that allows her to say that nature vs. nurture can be influenced if given attention at the right time in the right way for each child. The family made the choice to bring lots of love and respect to the table entering the foster world and the way that they choose to give this love is a lifelong theme that doesn’t end with development stages.
Giving a nod to the needs of teens in the foster system, Penny shared about an older teen the family fostered and how much of a positive influence she was stepping into being the eldest child in the family. “There are so many teens in the system who are on the verge of aging out, not having enough time to get adopted. These teens then enter the world as young adults with no family, no support, and then go on to live on their own, to try to attend college or get a job, perhaps become parents themselves, with no one to turn to or to be there for them as they take on new roles in society.”
Podjaske acknowledges concerns potential foster parents might have about bringing a teen into their lives. Knowing teens can have big emotions and challenges. Foster teens are no different, and “sometimes there can be a push back where the teens are trying to see if you will stick around” said Podjaske.
Remembering that foster children have sometimes endured trauma, Penny reminds that being aware of such allows foster parents to give space for regressive behaviors. It can take a bit for the kids to move through the years of childhood development that they missed, but the time investment pays off.
Reflecting on the children she has interacted with over the past ten years. “Sometimes their standards are different, for the most part though, the little things can be big positive things in their lives. These kids didn’t ask to be in this position, and they are just seeking to feel safe and loved.”
Sometimes people are worried about how fostering can affect their already existing family, and this is where Podjaske shares that having a great relationship with your case worker is really impactful. “All of our kids say that one day they will foster or adopt”, Penny shares, “the kids have learned to share so well, to give support to other children, and to be empathetic for others. Social workers generally know the children that have been in the system for a while and will work with you to place a child that fits well into your family.”
The goal in fostering is always for the children to be reunited with their parents and family, and Podjaske admits that this process never looks perfect. “We foster knowing that we may only have these children for a short amount of time, and that is to be a good thing for families getting back on their feet. Loving the children means wanting them to be able to be with their family” Penny shares. Sometimes that is not an option, and fostering can be a route to adopting children whose parental rights have been terminated. There are hundreds of children that are wards of the state from infants to adults that are seeking a family to welcome them.
The Podjaske family are advocates for learning about the many ways a person can be involved with the foster process. Not everyone is in a place to adopt a child, but a person can offer an in-between place for children while more permanent placements are found as well as babysitting and relief help.
As Penny reflects on the journey and her family’s place in these children’s lives, she stays humble. “I try to empathize. This sucks for the kids, they did not ask for this. When you foster you aren’t doing the kids a favor, at least not in their minds, you’re not the savior. It takes a long time for them to understand the choices you made to step into their lives.”
It is a quiet service that may take decades to demonstrate results, but Podjaske attests to breakthrough moments as well. ” I remember the exact moment my daughter leaned into me in our home after years of neglect before we met. I knew then that she could have a healthy attachment to other people. I knew we found a breakthrough before it was too late.” Moments exactly like this are what fuels her family to serve others now and, in the future, and it is with hope that others will find their heart in this service, that the Podjaske’s share the path they have walked for over a decade. “There is always good in every child.”
